My Dream Date with my Husband

We didn't go on a honeymoon when we got married. We never dreamed things would happen this way. Finances were tight because I had to take a medical leave from work due to carpal tunnel syndrome. Our first anniversary was spent getting settled in a new town and new jobs. Our second was spent recuperating from child-birth and a baby with apnea of prematurity. The list goes on. We've made our time where we could, but we've never really had a getaway.

Six years ago my husband lost his job. In fact two within six months. The first was his dream job. He had wanted to work there when we met. It has changed our lives substantially. I had squirreled away $200 and made plans for a night away at a nearby lake resort. Oh what a wonderful time we had. We both agreed we would have to do this again.  This was after the two job losses and he was on his second job after those. Our finances were sapped and I had paid up and off as much as I could with our tax money. I needed to grasp at something to try to reconnect because I could see the depths of the pain still  and knew I might have a chance of helping redirect his thoughts. It helped for a little while.

I keep hoping he will come back around and heal I long for the times we could sit and talk about life our hope and dream for our life,things we wanted to do together once the kids were old enough to leave on their own for the weekend.

We haven't celebrated an anniversary even since then. The pain has eaten up the man I once knew. He covers himself in work. Where nothing else exists but the company and him. It's sad really, to watch I mean. He doesn't realize his actions are slowly killing himself. The only person left will be an employee. The man is slowly fading from existence. There is no room for life, just work. At times it has been like a bad dream.

I let him read this before I posted it. I think he understands. I hope and pray something good will come. I need some good old fashion positives in my personal life. I get discouraged just like everyone else. Life was not created to be fair, or for everyone to always be riding the up train. I just think it's time to live our dream. Time to regroup, redirect, reconnect to our life.

I would love to pull on a cotton skirt and blouse and walk with him barefoot on the beach. Then sit on the porch of a quaint restaurant eating oysters on the half shell, conch fritters and swordfish. A pitcher of an ice cold beverage on the balcony of the beach side room overlooking the ocean. Contemplating when our children are married and grown. The family gatherings, should we buy a smaller house and let the kids host? Do we have thoughts of being "snowbirds" or trying to stay as a central connecting hub to our children? I want to be a real grandma, enjoying the sleepovers and baking. Some many wonderful memories to leave when you pass on. I want to leave them with happy thoughts.

For now, I continue to dream, I'll just slip into something comfortable and look out over the stars tonight. Wondering, will we ever be us again? Where in time and space will life exist for the sake of living? And loving?

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